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Mommy's always was
'been accused of being
 Ms. Bruigitte Bardouxes (sp, please?).

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Van Clifton



"Promising Young Women"

Bianca Noelle Clifton
"White Christmas"

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Mrs. Carol Clifton
"Ms. Finlandia"

Chrestorella AnniOple Glyphanni O'Popperwinkle
Van's 'lil sis Christine 

"On the Cover of a magazine"
Van's 'lil sis Kelly Louise Clifton: 
Sarah Palin's EX-Personal Assistant, until  . . .
Kelly has a degree in "Missionary" and she refused to put up with Sarah's bull-shit anymore and . . . )

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About 4 years 'fore 
I found out I could sling a
Bullet from a .25 pistol.

"If I aimed, I couldn't hit it,
but if I slung it, I couldn't miss."

With a bullet, that is.  
On the beach, at fish camp, livin'
under a tarp, with
my Grammy Millie

Grammy Millie always used to tell me my real name was van Vandal van Van van Whiplash!  (it has a double meaning.)

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"Lust For Dust"
I was in this audience-participation interactive split-second timing required kinda written Because I existed (I died when I was 12, came back from the dead after waaaay longer than yer spotted to, and was playing Scot Joplin's "The Maple Leaf Rag" at at 2x the speed in nearly ANY key after my third pinned "lesson."

I had a gift from my Heavenly Father that just couldn't be beat The lady who wrote the show for and with me was from BroadWay itse
lf, and she later came back to Anchorage, and she hated to do a tour show, but, she came all the way to Alaska in the National Touring company of that little stupid fucking (I HATE Sondheim!) waste of everybody's time the BroadWay musical CATS! 

WOW! Hey pretty Kitty!

Pretty Kitty got CLAWS!

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Tessa Kiara Clifton

"Bringer of Light"

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"Uncle Mikey"
("Uncle Mikey" was once a "Replacement "Pinocchio"" in a "Cirque Du Soleil-type" show for my children's theatre with one week's notice! What? Poopie-Head Mc Nugget!)

"Auntie Krissy"

Ever since "Uncle Mikey" started training the LAPD, Van has invested considerable time and his many talents creating presentations for LAPD!

Van worked Logistics for Pre-Deployment Special Ops training for the USMC, and also "Dressed" the Cones Container "Cities" like movie sets for the USMC and others to train in!

When Mr. Clifton was a Producer/Director for live-interactive television for the Army through UAA, his favorite "class" to P/D was Dr. Steve Hacox's "Alaska History: ANCSA Class, and has always hoped to use the Tudor Dog Sledding waste-of-space land for a cone container-type city for the Alaska Natives, home-free, and/or other, to be built and run exclusively by Ms. Lorena, now that a WOMAN is in charge, of the Ouzinkie Native Corporation! And the LAND is going to be donated to the SouthCentral Foundation, where Van's oldest daughter, Tessa, used to work, and she got her MASTER'S degree in DATA MINING ANALYTICS when she was 25!

Van's got a very personal connection with the fabulous Ms. Rene Carter Chapman at the University, an SHE'S gonna be the NEW Chancellor, and, boy o boy, has Van got plans to RUN, OWN, MAINTAIN that whole further mucking place again (Van ran the UAA Williamson Auditorium for almost 15 years, and a FUCKING DUDE that should have known WAY better - well, let's just say among WAY to many other things, you can never trust a MAN to do WOMAN's WORK: a light sense at the end of a fresnel light fixture fell out because a MAN put it ins fell one day, came crashing to the ground, almost hit a beautiful little girl [ Van STLL to this very day HAS that lens, with a chip out of it! It landed almost exactly where he later met the Beautiful and AMAZING LISA MURKOWSKI!!! (I  was doing an event for her Daddy!) And it would have killed. . . There will be NO TECH in that place unless it is union, and it MUST be a WOMAN! I mean, can you imagine? NOPE. Sorry, not sorry. And Miss Erin Dagon, with fiery RED hair and all our "REAL" friends - we're gonna have children's theatre in there, and it will be OUR (meaning, Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does YOUR garden grow? Mother Goose's Children's Theatre! (Ms. Dagon was quite literally "Mother Goose" in one of our shows! 

We're gonna change the FACE of the Nation by simply changing ONE silly little word in a Mr. Glen Campbell song "Born Free" ('cause NOBODY in this plane of existence is ever "Born Free" unless yer birthin' yer own baby in a rice field, doing it the RIGHT way and puttin' that lil which of a nothin' in a sling on yer front-side and going right back the FUCK to work?!! 

And, did you know: the musical key of "D" is the most magical key of all? Its spiritual energy will change everything on e planet. (Trust me, I'm a rocket scientist with this kind of stuff - Ms. Vickie Novak (Alaska Native) is spot on on this stuff!

Yeah. This whole FUCKIN' planet needs a WOMAN in charge, as the true Blessing that is the WORSE Curse of ALL for a tired-ass WOMAN is her innate ability, come hell or high water? MULTI-TASKING!

Congress WOMAN Mary Peltola is gonna use "Born Free" to "Home Free - like but, not like "Born Free, but "Home Free" to maybe help get the right lady elected to a VERY important position in the US Government, as a theme song to get in the right place to get a WOMAN in charge of everything in the WORLD, eventually!!!

JUST SOME IDEAS for Ms. Mary Peltola:

I mean, why not require every church in the nation to have a motion-activated camera in every space available that goes back to the DoD! in exchange for tax-free status? Isn't the White House a "Church?"Including that closet, or whatever that poor girl Monica got hurt in by that bastard Bill? Just a thought! Imagine the photo op!

Van Clifton was killed when he was 12 when his stupid shittly big brighter, Jerry, put the gigantic cat, "Thumper" on him and pushed him out on the body-swing too hard. The cat landed fine. 

Van flew over a two-story house and landed on the front-end bumper of a 57 Chevy Pick-up-style truck and has had a dent in his skull ever since, and should have been allowed, with VERY few exceptions to stay out of the HEAT, but hasn't for quite a few years. That time is OVER NOW. 

And, Mr. Clifton was kind-of "adopted" by the "Tlingit & Haida"tribe in Haines, Alaska, where he "grew up," and got to dance as "RAVEN!," complete with the cool head-dress in front of the big giant huge gathering house in Port Chilkoot (An Old Army Base in Haines!), when Cruise Ships came in, before racing to his "Signature" show, "Lust for Dust" right across the way, where he portrayed "Danny DooGood,"  

Van James Clifton has already been working on Congress WOMAN'S new website for her next run as the FIRST WOMAN PRESIDENT - YAY!

OF THESE HERE UNITED STATES! Shhhhh. She doesn't know yet! Duh. 

I had my Hawaiian sexy AF buddy who lives across the parking lot in my low-ish rent apartment complex (we were practicing singing to maybe sing at his and his beautiful wife's Hawaiian church: 

MY BUDDY found a SEX AF ORANGE race car he could get if he traded in my only ride, and he had to smash out the passenger's side window to do it!

My HAWAIIAN buddy was RACING all over the greater Anchorage, Eagle River, and even the Vally with Mary's stupid butt-fucking UGLY sign (whoever did her work before is IMMEDIATELY FIRED, 'cause I'm doing all her stuff for FREE!)

And my best friend, and spiritual McCutie-Pie, Miss Vickie Novak from the Ouzinkie Native Corporation (The've got a LOT, I MEAN A TON of superdy-duper great LADIES, (NO stupid men allowed: I'm the only stupid idiot "MAN" allowed, maybe because I ACKNOWLEGE I'M AN IDIOT UPFRONT! In our group ANYMORE. Period. Men are too stupid to be around: VAN JAMES CLIFTON HAS ALWAYS HATED MEN!  


I've already got our whole group of SUPER HEROS. 

Van is "RAVEN" from Tlingit & Haida! But, you know, an idiot white dude.


My Family


This is what Mr. Clifton looks like as of 3/14/23.

The logo on his favorite, a cap that HE created when he worked for Tatitlek Support Services (an Alaskan ANC Company - YAY!) is a petroglyph that he will be presenting as "Mana From Heaven!" to an AMAZING FUCKING WOMAN to run the Poopduck all the way to . . . . 

Well A WOMAN, who's current advertising staff will be immediately fired if he has anything to do with it, as Mr. Clifton will demand that only HE gets to do for FREE approve her future advertising (what the H. E. Double Hockey Sticks were her LAST idiots thinking on colors and messaging? 

Oh. Yeah. Podunk Alaska. Gotcha. She's gonna freak when she sees what Mr. Clifton has ALREADY created for her! VOTE FOR WOMEN!

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I was in a horrifyingly bad accident in January of 2021, could barely walk when I had an important meeting in May of that year with my guts pushed in with an Ace Bandage, couldn't get for my first surgery until July of that year, had to sell my truck, spent over two years in bed on my back healing, and could barely walk. 

I had a Hawaiian friend of mine with a super-slick orange sports car driving all over town with Mary Peltola's sign in the passenger window to help her get elected!

I live in Eagle River now, with no vehicle, and I don't plan on ever even going back to Anchorage, if I can ever help it. Too many bad things happened there. 

and, here's the truck I'll be doodling around in, once I get my hands on it again because he had to trade it in to even GET the orange sports car to get Mary elected, and Ima get it back come hell and/or high water, 'cause it's the "Jurassic Park" Jeep!

[ A certain little lady who had no Earthly right to even consider me a friend, but DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT! was once very ALARMED by my big ol' RED pick up parked in front of her house didn't even realize I was "Manemonieing" (like a sea anemone, like Whoopi in "The Color Purple - it take a good long while for that stuff to wear off - truly and very sorry it took so very "Opposite Day" to wear off.) That shit those men around Van Clifton took years from his daughters and gave it to someone he #$%^^&%$ truly hated, but would NEVER hurt! She was totally right to think and KNOW that part. 

But, no, young lady, you $%###^&, you just need to know that Mr. Van James Clifton meant each and every %$#@@& word he said, but, even HE was scared when he heard his one very true voice ( which that stupid $%^& asshole, you know which one I'm talking about, literally COMMANDED I stop speaking in, when it came back for a short while, after his BRAIN TUMOR he had most of the time at UAA finally subsided .....

AND although it sounded VERY scary when he said "I mean you no harm, you need to know, you stupid #$%^&, he meant it. But, his beautiful redheaded daughter Tessa is now a trained serial killer, and her friends go out and hurt the MEN who hurt GIRLS! 

Well, let's just say this: you get what you pay for in life, don'tcha? ADHD and such runs in the family. Someone should have their children checked for genetic anomalies. Using the scientific method to select a choice example, but using one you find on the side of the road? Some folks just need a pill or two each  and every morning. Thoughts? 

Mr. Clifton was suffering from severe memory loss because of that, "The Color Purple" effect he was put through by MEN (And Mr. Van James Clifton HAS ALWAYS HATED all MEN he has encountered in life, with very few (and I mean VERY FEW - I mean ya gotta be like a WAR hero / and or LAPD  . . .

And, unfortunately, Mr. Clifton has always hated most White folk he's met. You cain't get more Tlingit & Haida than growing up on the beach under a tarp, and most of Van's "real true Spiritual friends are Alaska Native, like Ms. Vickie Novak, from ONC, a very truly beautiful inside and out Earth Mother who send folks she cares about their "portrait," usually whales, trees, and such . . . and tradition "White Folk," don't get it, and, me too, because, "Van Clifton is an %^&%$@ Idiot."


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