Van Clifton is the proud single dad of two awesomey incredible daughters who are part of his soul (but who don't like their photos online or we'd show you how gorgeous they are!), and, but, yawp, and you can bet yer sweet bippy both of those kick-ass young ladies are in a lot of ways tons smarter than he could ever hope to be. Because,

Van Clifton is a nincompoop. A moron. And a dork.

And, oh, yes, Van Clifton is also a fool and a ninny.

And, but, also, additionally, about that blockheaded nitwit Van,

His favorite things in the Universe are his human female offspring, playing piano, composing mostly classical-type pieces of music, and singing. 

When Van can get off his lazy butt and record something, he likes to send out a song or maybe two for the holidays. But,

Van hasn't recorded a new holiday song in a gazillion years because he's just too much of a lazy twit (and/or he works too much) to get to the piano and mic very often.

Oh well. It's probably for the best anyways. But, hey,

Click play to the left if you're brave enough to hear some of the village idiot's other "almost-music."

And, not to be too 'Woo-Woo,' but the dingbat weirdo is an INFJ left-handed Pisces, so he spends most of his time alone. 
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Van has been in exile laying on his back healing from surgeries since a January 2021 accident.  

 

As of July of 2022, Van has been able to sit up in a chair again for almost twenty whole minutes without writhing on the ground whilst in agony. 

 

Yay for some chair sitting without all the writhing on the ground whilst in agony!  WooHoo! Shazam!

 

Since then, he’s really enjoyed sitting at the piano composing for the first time in almost twenty years.  

 

Van hopes to be done with surgeries and be up and playing rugby and riding horses again very soon! 

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