ABOUT VAN CLIFTON
.Van Clifton is an idiot.
Van has BIG PLANS to help the WOMEN of this WORLD
TAKE OVER THE PLANET!
... Please stand by. I"ll get this back up shortly!
I accidentally on purpose took this down before I heard from someone very important.
You can never trust a MAN to do the right thing at the RIGHT TIME,
especially in a leagally-weagally when he doesn't know the LAW stuff. : )
(My liil sis Christine [ well, she used to work for Microsoft,
and she told me to take it down immediately or I might be
held criminally liable for saying some stuff, even on my ... ]
WOMEN ARE GOING TO . . .
This is a "GIRLS ONLY" CLUB HERE, NOW, AND FOREVER,
Withe the exception of a USMC WAR HERO, my best buddy of all time,
a Mr. Gilbreth Taylor, who used to work at Katmai, and recently "retired?"
Mr. "Gilbreth Q. Taylor"
He lives on his FARM with his beautiful wifeypoo, Pamela in NC!
With BEAUTIFUL DONKEYS, and they nick-named one of them after me!
( . . but NOT my "ACTUAL NAME," . . . I'm a THERAPY HUMAN,
it was a silly little phrase about how I help other people so much, at least according to him.
We talked, and just got a chance to BREATHE without the "children" around -
meaning, every other Staff around, including HIS. )
I helped Pamela celebrate her birthday, each and every year I could, even at Disney WORLD ONCE, because it happened to coincide with "I/ITSEC, THE WORLDS LARGEST MILITARY TRAINING EXPO," which I was practically world famous for for throwing the most coolio-est extragana parties - and yawp, my parties even beat out Raytheon, Lockheed Martin, etc.
Gilbreth & Pamela are the most, still,
"Madly, Passionately, and Silly-In-Love Humans" I've ever met.
( . . . and I"m not going to even tell you why it was SO VITALLY IMPORTANT WHY it was to me that he could sit in a room with me while I was setting up the "Hospitality Suite at I/ITSEC" and not say a single untoward word to me, even after drinking nearly (and maybe?) a WHOLE GIANT BOTTLE of "Grey Goose," and that shit was ABSOLUTELY FOR MEDICINAL PURPOSES (he was in 3, ya, count 'em threee futher-muckin' HELIOCOPTER CRASHES, AND HE SAVED A TON OF OTHER GUYS, but that shit comes at a physical COST and MORE!)
OMFG GD is THIS MAN AMAZING.
Yawp. HE'D "THE GUY" TO SAY, HEY, NOW,
Yawp, there IS a BIG RED BUTTON,
and yawp, but you can't see RUSSIA from Wasilla . . .
And, the most hilarious part of saying that "Gil" could drink a shit-ton of "Grey Goose," and not say ANYTHING UNTOWARD?
Mr. Gilbreth Taylor only ever gets a lot funnier, laid back, brilliant, and spot-on TALENTED AF
WHEN HE DRINKS ALCOHOL FOR PAIN RELIEF.
It don't phase him in ANY OTHER WAY
EXCEPT TO GIVE HIM THE
"PAIN RELIEF" HE NEEDS TO BE MORE "HIMSELF!"
So, don't get yer painties all tied up in a wad that he drinks!
I GD double futher mucking GUARANTEE that once we can find him the "Proper" pain relief, He'll go back to having a single drink or three in the evening he, I'M ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN HE'S ALWAYS WANTED,
But, and/also, again not entirely the point, but in ADDITION TO THAT,
he's (like nearly EVERY kid that goes off to SAVE THE WORLD) never even BEEN ABLE to TALK to
his BEAUTIFUL WIFE ABOUT HIS TIME IN THE MILITARY,
So, don't get all, OMFG he drinks?
Yawp. For medicinal purposes ONLY >
Ya. Whew! Why ELSE would I SUBMIT A MAN to THE WOMEN OF THE WORLD?
HE JUST NEEDS TO GET THE POST-WAR
TREATMENT HE'S NEEDED FOREVER,
AGAIN ONE OF MY (and EVERY WOMAN who sent her MAN to go protect the WORLD and he comes back a ?) MAIN PLATFORMS!
TALK ABOUT A PERFECT PSA!
Waaaay more than camera ready!
. . . and talk about a good ol' Southern Boy DRAWL, and HIS best friend (meaning "Gil's "BF" in the world - but, I guarantee Gil and I have "talked" more than he and "J.J." have EVER even been able to before!), a guy named John Jenkins, a NASA LEVEL ROCKET SCIENTIST, who ALSO worked at KATMAI has a whole FAMILY of AMAZING BlueGrass Singers! And, well, "JJ" drinks waaay to much because his brain can't EVER stop drinking!
Now, "JJ" NEEDS to go to A.A.
Talk about BUILDING AN ARMY.
Make no mistake: if the Women of a Matriarchal Society finds
out a "MAN" has "HURT" a woman . . .
. . . and ALL OF THAT HAS NO BEARING ON WHY WE'RE ALL HERE TODAY, YOUR HONOR.
Yes, I AM VERY WELL AWARE OF THAT >
I"ll be putting up something that DOES have everything to do why we're all sitting here today looking at my @#$% WEBSITE:
Something HORRIFIC THAT HAPPENED, and yes "STARTED, but it NEVER "ENDS" if it keeps getting added to by MEN,
because once it started on the DADDY of 2 beautiful nearly grown-ass "BABIES," well, ABOUT 12 YEARS AGO, and that because of, what all MEN, regardless of age, location, who they seemingly are as a person (but never "GIL.")
would put another being through to get their, what? In where?
A donkey? Nope. Doesn't matter. Sheep. Um, what?
When A MAN, A SPORTS "MAN", NOPE, SOME MEN JUST DON'T GET IT . . .
. . . and it maybe even doesn't matter, after all, if they're still a "Sheppard", it doesn't matter how many YEARS that little LITTLE "LAMB" keeps running around, maybe that SOME DAY THAT LITTLE "SHEEP" (like Whoopi Goldberg, in "The Color Purple, but, NOT AT ALL because THIS IS REAL LIFE, YOU IDIOT IGNORANT, FILTHY LITTLE BASTERDS) FINALLY GROWS UP, (or gets enough hypnotherapy from a qualified WOMAN) TO BE
A FUTHER MUCKING RAM . . .
"There NO SUCH THING as
a "friendship" with the "EMPEROR"."
THE WHOLE DANG LOT OF 'EM,
WITH VERY FEW EXCEPTIONS.
Well, that life is over, dudes.
The MOST important part of this dialogue hasn't even been presented to you YET, MADAM Judge.
Please stand by, my dear LADY,
I'm still gathering my thoughts to present my closing argument in my case against . .
. . . NOT AT ALL Ms. Teresa Derrickson . . .
. . . because she had NO EARTHLY IDEA .
Don't you ever worry about me or mine hurting you and yours.
Van's dining room and pantry.
Music & Stuff
Dudes are laid back.
Van's hatchlings liked tango music when they were munchkins, so he wrote this for them.
Van Clifton is the proud single dad of two awesomey incredible daughters who are part of his soul (but who don't like their photos online or we'd show you how gorgeous they are!), and, but, yawp, and you can bet yer sweet bippy both of those kick-ass young ladies are in a lot of ways tons smarter than he could ever hope to be. Because,
Van Clifton is a nincompoop. A moron. And a dork.
And, oh, yes, Van Clifton is also a fool and a ninny.
And, but, also, additionally, about that blockheaded nitwit Van,
His favorite things in the Universe are his human female offspring, playing piano, composing mostly classical-type pieces of music, and singing.
When Van can get off his lazy butt and record something, he likes to send out a song or maybe two for the holidays. But,
Van hasn't recorded a new holiday song in a gazillion years because he's just too much of a lazy twit (and/or he works too much) to get to the piano and mic very often.
Oh well. It's probably for the best anyways. But, hey,
Click play to the left if you're brave enough to hear some of the village idiot's almost-music.
And, not to be too 'Woo-Woo,' but the dingbat weirdo is an INFJ left-handed Pisces, so he spends most of his time alone.
Van has been in self-imposed exile laying on his back healing from surgeries since a January 2021 accident.
As of July of 2022, Van has been able to sit up in a chair again for almost twenty whole minutes without writhing on the ground whilst in agony.
Yay for some chair sitting without all the writhing on the ground whilst in agony! WooHoo! Shazam!
Since then, he’s really enjoyed sitting at the piano composing for the first time in almost twenty years.
Van hopes to be done with surgeries and be up and playing rugby and riding horses again very soon!
Oh, and, while Mr. Clifton is waiting patiently to hear back from some incredible Law-Type LADY person,
Did you, or, ANYONE for that matter even KNOW that BOTH of Mr. Clifton's crazy-ass beautiful DAUGHTERS had STARRING ROLES in MUSICAL THEATRE going back as far as KINDERGARTEN, in what was considered the MOST MAGICAL THING IN THE "KNOWN UNIV3RSE?
Mrs. Caroline Nishimura, a BEAUTIFUL JAPANESE AMERICAN STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL LITTLE LADY (THAT EVEN TAUGHT "IKEBANA," AND WAS everybody's FAVORITE kindergarten teacher!) "at the school where BOTH Of Mr. Clifton's children went to - NLABC "Northern Lights ABC School" used to get as many as 60 KINDERGARTENERS to do a very seriously complicated musical-type SHOW, with intricate movements, perfect, like NEARLY PERFECT IN EVERY SINGLE WAY, and what the POOPI-DUCK???
Yawp, both Tessa and Bianca had THE STARRING ROLES THE YEARS THEY WENT, and that this beautiful little thing called a TESSA CLIFTON also had a STARRING ROLE in Mr. Clifton's "Schoolhouse Rock when he had HIS OWN CHILDREN'S MUSICAL THEATRE AT UAA, AND HUH?
And, yawp, and did Mr. Clifton forget to mention in all his haste to put up something, anything about his plans for WOMEN, that when Mr. Clifton was leaving his former employment at UAA nearly 20 years ago or something - did Mr. Clifton forget to tell you that, Mr. David Stephens' little baby brother, Brian showed up at Mr. Clifton's "The Williamson Auditorium" looking like a FUTHER MUCKING MOVIE STAR, who was A SERIOUSLY GIFTED ROCK-STAR ON the ELECTRIC GUITAR?
AND THAT Mr. Cifton had HUGE GREAT BIG PLANS to bring back "SCHOOL HOUSE ROCK" AGAIN, with a Mr. Brian Stephens playing the EVER FUTHER MUCKING ELECTRIC GUITAR?
For School House ROCKS?
Why, Miss Little "Tessa Kiara Clifton" also had a STARRING ROLE IN "School House ROCKS" as a tiny person?
"We're" gonna bring back "School House Rocks," with a Mr. Brian Stephens on ROCK GUITAR? Yeah! Brian was like a literal, not at all figuratively speaking little "Movie Star" kid with all the looks, and WOW!
Hmmmmm. Too many things to mention. And that a "Ms. Erin Dagon," a curly redheaded WOMAN will direct, and if Mr. Clifton has ANY SAY about it, the new version of "School House ROCK" will be available on the UAA Sponsored "Mother Goose Theatre" page world wide?
Tessa's BFF is a LITTLE LADY (pictured above, and her name online is "GOGO IN Cognito?")
Tessa, pictured above is her COMIC-CON costume when she and her BFF wen as the FEMALE VERION of the Angel & Demon from the Amazon show," and OMFG WOW did "GoGo" EVER LOOK STUNNING IN THE PIC OF the two of them together, and that they were in an article for GeekNerd, and that Tessa was ALSO FEATURED in her get-up with BLUE HAIR ON THE COVER OF THE OFFICIAL NY COMIC-CON SITE?