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.Van Clifton is an idiot.




Van Clifton



Van Clifton is the proud single dad of two awesomey incredible daughters who are part of his soul (but who don't like their photos online or we'd show you how gorgeous they are!), and, but, yawp, and you can bet yer sweet bippy both of those kick-ass young ladies are in a lot of ways tons smarter than he could ever hope to be. Because,

Van Clifton is a nincompoop. A moron. And a dork.

And, oh, yes, Van Clifton is also a fool and a ninny.

And, but, also, additionally, about that blockheaded nitwit Van,

His favorite things in the Universe are his human female offspring, playing piano, composing mostly classica
l-type pieces of music, and singing. 

When Van can get off his lazy butt and record something, he likes to send out a song or maybe two for the holidays. But,

Van hasn't recorded a new holiday song in a gazillion years because he's just too much of a lazy twit
(and/or he works too much) to get to the piano and mic very often.

Oh well. It's probably for the best anyways. But, hey,

Click play to the left if you're brave enough to hear some of the village idiot's almos

And, not to be too 'Wo
o-Woo,' but the dingbat weirdo is an INFJ left-handed Pisces, so he spends most of his time alone. 


Van has been in self-imposed exile laying on his back healing from surgeries since a January 2021 accident.  


As of July of 2022, Van has been able to sit up in a chair again for almost twenty whole minutes without writhing on the ground whilst in agony. 


Yay for some chair sitting without all the writhing on the ground whilst in agony!  WooHoo! Shazam!


Since then, he’s really enjoyed sitting at the piano composing for the first time in almost twenty years.  


Van hopes to be done with surgeries and be up and playing rugby and riding horses again very soon


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There will be no pre-recorded "Audible" on this. Please don't read this unless you're "supposed to" be reading here on 3/17/23 ? I'm just hanging out, waiting for a "Call" form my dear sweetie "Vickie" to end this at HER timing . . . Please?, tomorrow, etc.  And this is most likely even THE VERY MOST IMPORTANT PART. Thank you! Yawp! And "AFTER THIS!" I'm ready to have Vic call at literally any time SHE SO chooses!  : )  . . . and it's not THAT this happened . . I have no EARTHLY idea what to do, and I NEED a WOMAN or WOMEN to please help me. It's much more complicated than you even thin. God Bless you!  : ) [ and it involves "Dr. Randy Covington, from ABN, directly. ] And he'll know what to do! And it's just information I NEED TO REPORT TO HIM and only him - but at ONLY at his discretion - and it involves the "Southern Baptist Sex-Scandal" that has rocking the whole country for years.  MY quite literal "Stalker & Rapist" from college at UAF is in this picture, Tessa's own mother. And she's still a "Teacher" in Washington. And it's NOT OK for her to still be around young men. Still.  And I have her RECORDED Confession. And "Written Testimony" ready to go to HIM. Through a qualified WOMAN lawyer.  From 2013.  Well, nope. I guess I described the situation just fine: PW: PLEASEHELPME I've already talked with my daughters, and they've been given the opportunity to read and listen to the recording, so, and a LAW LADY already said I could say anything I want about her - but I'd like to only leave this up as long as I need to (now that everyone? is watching? So, yes. Please read as soon as you can, and I'd be more than happy (and would like to) change the password as soon as possible? Thoughts?     - V  AND, please understand - I had no idea who I was as a human when I first started "writing" this - which was, when she first "captured" me - so please don't pay ANY ATTENTION TO THE CLAIMS OF MY  "SEXUAL IDENTITY." ALL I KNEW IS THAT IT WASN'T HERS FOR THE TAKING. TOO WEIRD TO understand.  Makes other "AUDIBLES" too weird to understand, right? Just trying to get some #$%#$ off of ME! You won't understand just how @#$% hilarious my claims of "ANY" type of human are, if you're ANYTHING at all to the RIGHT HUMAN, but, you'd RATHER BE NOTHING at all - like a "Toaster Oven." Try to convince anyone that yer a MONK after being married to a WOMAN but always being called a FAG. And, yawp, the "8 times" comment was her, after giving her a complete makeover. But not what you think. It's not really even "in" that "writing." Just a "placeholder." Too humiliating, but, I'll need to add the details . . . . .  A "motel," when I was homeless, with no place to sleep, and she used some of the money she was . . . . so I could sleep on a mattress as long as I . . . and. Jean was morbidly obese, and ALWAYS smelled gawd-fu@#$-awful. 

The MOST Important part.

And yes, this keeps getting worse and worse by the minute if yer reading, so, please keep "re-freshing" this page as often as you can . . . as if you . . .  ​ This woman, pictured above, the ENTIRE time I was "with" her, looked as many as 20 years OLDER than me, and I didn't even BEGIN to do the "skin-care" things I was doing to reverse the signs of aging (and me and my Mammy have this weird thing about us that she and I only in our entire family ALWAYS have look Waaay younger, but, um what?) ​ As soon as she quite literally thew me out of my own house in 2013, she went RIGHT to work to find a guy that looked like "Santa Clause," a kindly old widower, who was originally from out by her parent's place in Houston, Alaska - but had already "RETIRED" from at least one full-on 20-ish year career as a Hospital Administrator or something, but had Moved to Hawaii, of all places to start YET another" CARRER as the Administrator of a (leper Colony?) over on one of the islands. And WTF? ​ Jean Ann Adams is SO very good at WHAT SHE DOES BY NATURE, that she, um what? ​ Jean talked this really very nice, older, gentleman into signing over, I think, it was his ENTIRE life savings and I THINK ALL OF HIS RETIREMENT to her before she would even "DAIN" to "accept his hand in "marriage?"  ​ I mean, what? That poor guy had barely EVEN MET Jean, and HE signed over EVERY THING HE HAD to her, but, he has REAL ESTATE in the valley and maybe some other places? ​ AND AS SOON as his "LOVELY" cutie-pie wife (and I @#$%#$ GUARENTEE YOU SHE'S HAD A @#$% TON of work on her entire face, now! She's NEVER looked as YOUNG and entirely innocuous as she DOES RIGHT NOW?  ​ NOPE > She's looking younger than SHE HAS HAD ANY living right to almost the entire time I was with her!!!!! ​ And, that poor older Gentleman Caller? felt forced to put Jean (and I mean I heard he had to FLY HER TO ANOTHER ISLAND - Hawaii, right?) to put her in the, I think the very equivalent of what here is API to get  HER fool-Head examined?  ​ Maybe twice? He was a full-time hospital Administrator for a Leper Colony somewhere on the Hawaiian Islands? ​ And, yeah, HE probably went complete bug-nuts out of his mind CRAZY with the reality of Jean's AMAZINGLY manipulative "real" life behavior, as they I guess, like, maybe they had only "met" in person a few times before the, what? Marriage? ​ No. Yeah.  ​ I think maybe he finally got her on her proper medication? I'm not sure. But she's looking looking younger, seemingly, and I only "look in" from afar very infrequently, but.  ​ I don't trust her to not get bored with "Santa," who, reeaaaly does seem like a super nice guy! ​ And, I think Jean's lil sis Tammy (My Jamie's - my favorite nephew of Tammy & Steve's three boys) I think they know his "Valley Family?" ​ I mean, I"m not splitting any hairs here: I told Jean (and, again, I didn't even WANT TO GET DIVORCED in 2013, nor would I have ever even thought about leaving my four-person family "unit" and yeah, Jean and I BOTH always knew exactly wheat she really was to me, and it was ALWAYS a "role-playing' act.) ​ I told Jean she could take anything she wanted, and she took all of our (what was to me) VERY nice furniture (even though I didn't get to "pick out" anything, and she even bought herself a brand new red sporty car without even consulting me? Yeah.  ​ But, more to the point - Jean told HER kindly beautiful wonderful parent's Dale and Susie Adams (Dale was the "Mayor" of Houston, wonderful AMAZING parent's that she wanted to "Store" all of our "nice" furniture, while leaving me with the dregs (which was really just less ex-expensive but really ok) in their storage shed - until she, um, what? ​ Right after Jean told her kindly old Semi-Retired parents that they needed to PAY HER for the furniture, because, they could then, and what? Yeah, she told them they could re-coup "their money?" by selling all of it on Craig's list? But of course, they then gave it to my Tessa, (what?) to furnish her first little condo? Of course they did. For FREE.  ​ And, to top it all off, what?  ​ When I retired from my what was then my first 20 year full con carrier, she made me sign some kind of paper that gave her the right to completely empty my TIER 1 (including lifetime medical?) to her, and I wasn't ever even ALLOWED (?) to know where any of that went?  ​ I'm scared for any younger Man and quite LITERALLY anyone who crosses her.  ​ You have NO IDEA what Jean Ann Adams is truly capable of until it's much to much way to late to do anything about it.  ​ She looks so sweet.  ​ Jean Miller. Cheeny, WA Teacher.  ​ What do I do? What should I do? Can someone please at least help me report her to Dr. Randy Covington?  ​ I don't know how to say this. I' afraid for my life, just that she now knows I have her recorded.  ​ Yeah. I sent her part of that recording, a while back, just so as that she even KNOWS I have it.  ​ She told me to not ever bother her again.  ​ On 12/13/22. ​ Thoughts? No rush. 

Yeah. And?

This won't make any sense to anyone else but maybe my little sister Christine, but, I've always felt I was about 18-19 years old living inside of somebody else's body until I was almost 60 years old. 

And I'm so old now, now that I can see myself in the mirror again.

I don't even ...

Well I'm gonna have to start "de-aging" my face again here pretty quick to look even younger than I did before I had my accident. Or not. I've never really even cared about the way that I look. And those photos of me looking about 123 years old, well, um. I doesn't seem to bother other people. I guess. But, just for me, I'll prolly do it anyway. 

The de-aging stuff is kinda fun and simple, and I got alls the "tools" I'll ever even need right here. . . 

. . . I just need to get my @#$% truck back so I can drive around Eagle River eventually. How ever has my truck will be SO HAPPY to hear from me one day, and my Hawaiian FREIND is gonna be SO HAPPY when I tell him I'm gonna over-pay him to take his ever-loving 
sweet-ass time refinishing it for me this time. 

I had already given him the money to buy the paint to repaint, and we purchased the other stuff we needed for him to fix it all up when My Heavenly Father showed that great little dude even FOUND that ORANGE race car - and there wasn't any question what we needed to do. 

Some day, I'ma help that wonderful little Hawaiian family.

So Help Me GOD.    : )

I bought that beautiful little Hawaiian Momma a ticket to go see her ailing Mother somewhere, and I gave them enough money to get her a cell phone. They're too poor for a cell phone provider so she can only call or text when she's on wifi.

And THAT SHIT is gonna stop one day if I can AT ALL help it.

I've been praying for "The Color Orange" for quite a while now.

My Heavenly Father gave me a weird "audible" right around my 60th birthday. 

There ain't no such thing as a co-inky-dink, nope, not really, when you have "Family" from yer very home town lookin' out for ya, now is there?


[ oh. and just in case I haven't been VERY CLEAR: if yer a WHOITE MAN, chances are I'll hate I'll hate you even before I even meet you.

Unless you can PROVE IMMEDIATELY yer eggsmactly like Mr. "Joshie McPoopie-Duck McFannon." Again, we're BOTH FROM HAINES, too! YAY Joshua! You can literally feel this guys "halo" just by even lookin' at his photo online?

Am I right? OF COURSE I AM. His photo will @#$% ALWAYS BE ON THE FRONT PAGE OF MY PERSONAL WEBSITE. And you cain't Google it to get here, but I got you to look, didn't I? ]

Oh. And. Joshua? Mr. Joshua F. Fannon, ESQ., Sir? We're gonna really have to have a talk one day about what yer wearing in that AMAZING photo of you? Yer jacket bunching up? Colors all wrong? It's too perfect.

Nope. Don't you ever change a living thing about you. Unless. 

Here's an ABSOLUTELY STUNNING "Screen Shot" of the Van James Clifton's choice (and there's NO other person on earth in her category) for not only:


1. The most Beautiful Woman in the World.

2. The most breath-taking Spiritual Human.

3. The epitome of "Style & Grace"

4. The most underpaid, under appreciated, shit on (well, she IS a "Lowly Alaska Native," ain't she?) Nope.

Ms. Vickie Novak "knows" she's my best friend. 

Don't cha? 

Yer gonna be at my little place in Eagle River pretty gosh-darn soon. ALWAYS WAAAY MORE THAN AN

"Open Invitation." And you and I both know it. [ And you and I and "Ms. Lorena" are gonna laugh our fool asses off ] you should TOTALLY BRING Miss Lorena with ya! I LOVE THAT bad-ass bitch!) I'm in "quiet-mode for now." Any more than three or four folks in my little apt will be overwhelming for me for a bit, but, you can bring . . . 

I love you, beautiful thang. IN the Very Best "Spiritual" way possible. AND YOU KNOW THAT. I know it sounds stupid to say that, but sometimes women get the wrong idea when I even give them a makeover.    : )

Ohm and, sweetie: You need to spread the word: 

You need to start "Praying" to see and then, appreciate like your very lives depend on it, and it DOES:

The most VIBRANT COLOR ORANGE YOU CAN GET your beautiful little hands on, there, you beautiful little lady. It works WONDERS. Really. YOU'LL get it.   : )

And, soon, EVERYONE on the @#$% PLANET will benefit from it too! I pinky promise. There's no LAW that says I cain't at least put up a . . . WTF?


NO MATTER HOW MUCH I "claim" to have helped her with an "ORANGE" sports car? Was I or was I not just in API? Sending . . . ummm. YEAH. 


Personal safety much? It TELLS you on the report page where everybody who even LOOKS AT YOUR SITE, no matter how, and YESS TOTALLY "Well Intentioned?"

Where people are at the EXACT OMGF time and place?

Uhm. Thoughts? LADY LAW PEOPLE? Tessa Kiara Clifton? "Bringer of Light?" Bianca Noelle Clifton? "White Christmas?" Bianca quite literally HAD a stalker and I had no EARTHLY IDEA.


You can track on yer iPHONE.

It's too scary for me to even think about: and I LOVE IT for all the RIGHT REASONS? 

Background check? Nope. I . . . . 

And/but/yeah. I never tell people my IQ. It's NOT "normal" but, then again, I haven't even had a "Memory Dot" on my hand in wells about 12 years or so. But, umm. ANGER. BETRAYAL. Federal LAW? How?

"Lady Hawk?"


"The Idiot's" Best Friend.


The Idiot.

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Van's dining room and pantry.

Music & Stuff


Dudes are laid back.



Van's hatchlings liked tango music when they were munchkins, so he wrote this for them. 



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Mz. Jennifer Lopez

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